Church of the Sinister Kheddis

KHEDDIS WATCH

There are twelve known Kheddis (see below) and fourteen unknown Kheddis. The Kheddis is strongly linked to Bendonium and many believe that the presence of a Kheddis indicates a substantial Bendonium deposit nearby. Rub my hairy back and call me Olaf. Over geological time periods a compressed version of Grucock, or Gruey as he’s more fashionably known to those foetid, beady eyed numpties with fat stubby fingers, became fossilised and slowly condensed. Within the Grucock’s matrix, crystals of benda-tritrotranium 7 formed and Gruey became a sponge like creature living on a blanket of prehistoric gaseous ape spines. About forty thousand years ago this enormous brooding pumice hatched out and fully retracted its heaving vestibule into reality, leaving eggs aplenty. Lever my enlarged gall-bladder westwards-ho! Captain?  With the rains and the seasons and the incessant banging of many monkeys on their crudely constructed Harpic Gordons, the eggs hatched in themselves and the Kheddis were released.

At first the Kheddis were slow to separate but climate change and the greasiness of the local population soon made them diffuse around the globe. It is supposed that there were initially up to four hundred Kheddis and that over the years very many of them became dormant, holing up in caves, fissures and ravines to be buried by rock-fall or colonised by bees. Just such an example was unearthed on Dartmoor, UK in 1985 by Nathaniel Butty-Strike, buried under a tor. Once unearthed this Kheddis, probably related to Bateman’s revealing Kheddis, quickly assimilated, reconvened and adapted to its new surroundings becoming David Bobin the TV sports presenter. Such a Kheddis poses no danger as it’s not in its wild or conjugated state. A fully conjugated Kheddis is a very dangerous and extremely cunning creature; such Kheddis are incredibly rare, only four having been seen in the last two and a half centuries. Whack off my buzzy hairdo. The Bendonium Society is aware of the current position of at least two of these monsters and has kept careful watch in case either or both should move; fortunately neither has moved for the last fifty six years.

Every Kheddis is assigned a code which is equivalent to their Bendonium Transfer Routine, if you like. Most of these codes have now, with the help of modern computers, been very accurately calculated. Hack off my pancreas. These are presented below the images of the twelve known Kheddis, each image is produced using a Nippus Saccus Diamond Ticker 125 mounted on a three wheeler meat truck. Oh sweet lord is that my three brained wife?

IF YOU SEE OR THINK YOU SEE A KHEDDIS THEN REPORT THIS IMMEDIATELY TO THE BENDONIUM SOCIETY WITH THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF YOUR CRIBBAGE OR OTHERWISE! DO NOT APPROACH OR WARM WITH GASES, THIS MAY BE FATAL!